Growing up I never felt “invited”
There are countless memories where I can vividly remember being LEFT OUT. There was this one time when I was 8 years old.. My 4 “Best Friends” on the block decided to go to a Hockey game. When I called that evening to ask if one of them wanted to “play”, she said “I’m sorry, Michelle! I can’t tonight, we are going to a hockey game.” I remember asking “Fun! Who’s We?” & she listed the 3 other girls on the block. My heart sank & tears began to flow. I can still remember to this day I cried till there were no tears left to cry. I laid in bed asking my dad over & over “Why didn’t they want me to come?” I remember him laying w/ me, telling me that he wished he could take the hurt away & how special I was. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
Being left out, SUCKED.
I remember the summer of my 7th grade year.. My “best friend” & I were getting ready to try out for the Football Cheer team. We both made a promise to each other that we would NOT throw our back handsprings… (we weren’t “ready”) One of those “If you don’t, then I won’t. I’ve got your back.” Kinda things. I was first up. I knew I could throw it, It wouldn’t be pretty but I COULD. However, I remember’d the promise we made to each other and I passed on the opportunity. She was up next, & she walked over to the mat & through it. I’ll just end by saying… That year she made the team, and I didn’t.
Once again, devastated, and feeling betrayed.
It HURT. A. LOT.
Side Note: I’ll just throw in that that was one of the best things that NEVER happened to me!
I have never worked so hard for something. I came back the next season, made the basketball team & then every season after that! My senior year I was named the MVP. Hard work, works…However – That feeling of being “uninvited” STILL was always there.
You would think being a “cheerleader” would give you all the confidence in the world. That’s the image it gives off at-least right? Wrong.
I remember every day walking around the lunch room wondering If someone saved me a seat. I would be standing in the lunch line w/ anxiety glancing over at the lunch room wondering If I saw a table w/ a ton of extra seats & then once I went over I had to grow a huge pair of you know what & ask “Is anyone sitting there” and pray that they wouldn’t come back with “Ah, I’m sorry Michelle!!!! Those seats are taken.”
So yeah, the whole “fitting in” thing has always been a struggle for me. This post could go in a million different directions right now but I’ll end with this. I, (YOU) were never made to fit in. I went through those moments so I could be the person in the room who know’s how it feels. So I can be the person in the room who’s ready to make best friends w/ the girl who doesn’t have a seat.
I (YOU), We, were made to make a difference & yes, although that SUCKED… The desire to “FIT IN” sucks. You weren’t made to fit in, you were made to blaze your own trail and be the kind of girl you needed when you were younger.